Andriana BoyrikovaA month into 2022, I am done with setting my goals for this year. Shocking, but this time I haven’t made a two-page-long list of things I want to achieve and excel at. I have set only one goal: a goal that scares me but at the same time puts a blissful smile on my face.
After having exchanged the customary Christmas and New Year’s Eve wishes with relatives and friends and had to explain to each and every one – with a lingering feeling of guilt and shame – that I had decided not to go back to Bulgaria (my home country) for the Christmas holidays as I was mentally exhausted and was craving a rest following a stressful period in my life, I heard (and read) the following replies:
– “Okay, I guess it is good to get some rest, sometimes.”
– “I see. I can imagine taking a break is a good thing to do.”
– “Oh, yes, rest is also important.”
Somehow these pushed my buttons and got me thinking. Isn’t mental rest and well-being the most important thing? Isn’t it the conduit for a truly fulfilling life?
I have often felt mentally worn-out and can recognize the signs: I lose my appetite, have trouble sleeping, get headaches, feel agitated, get muscle pain, can’t interact properly with other people, become overly negative about the future, and have no energy to perform simple daily tasks, such as making a grocery list.
In short, I can’t function properly. But if I am at such a poor mental and physical state, how can I work hard enough to make money, so I can pay the bills? How can I be a good friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and employee?
How can I enjoy being alive?
I have been a hardcore workaholic – and a studyholic – my whole life, always putting work, studying, and doing what I have to do before anything else. No wonder I got a monstrous burnout in 2019 and experienced one of the darkest periods in my life.
But I have learned my lessons: there are more important things than always pushing myself too hard, overworking, and living to meet other people’s expectations.
A few stressful periods in 2021 and the mentally draining effect of the Covid-19 pandemic that took its toll on me reminded me of these lessons.
That’s why my goal for 2022 is to care for myself, for my mental and physical well-being.
“How selfish, Andriana!,” I can hear (some of) you saying (or thinking) with contempt.
– “Why don’t you make yourself useful and get to work 40 hours a week: earn more money and get a fancy job title?”
– “Why don’t you finally start your own business and become a successful entrepreneur like so many other people in your network?”
– “You are almost 32: aren’t you going to become a mother and start a family?”
And my reply will be: “No, no, and not yet” to all judgments and unsolicited advice. Yet, this time without a trace of guilt.
We live one life and, unfortunately, we tend to forget this too often. We take it for granted that we will live up to 70-80 years old. So we get on the do-what-you-have-to-do-because-of-other-people’s-expectations hamster wheel, running through our lives, filling our days with more and more obligations.
Then, at last, if we are lucky enough to live up to 60-65, we reach the golden years only to find out that we have become so physically and/or mentally sick that we don’t have energy to finally enjoy life.
Everyone choses how to live their life and I am the last person in this world who will tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with it. I am also the last person in this world who wants to hear opinions on what I should (or shouldn’t) do with mine.
Therefore, I have set a goal for myself that has nothing to do with other people’s expectations and obligations but only with what I believe is good for me. And this is to enjoy being alive, the foundation of which is staying mentally and physically healthy.
This year I will remind myself every day that I want to and should make time for the things that heal my mind and body, and these are:
- writing fiction
- journaling
- running
- doing power yoga
- cycling in nature
- reading books that I want to read (not books that I feel I need to read)
- going for a walk in the park whenever I feel mentally exhausted
- listening to music
- baking vegan cakes and relishing the process
- spending time with people that I want to spend time with
- spending time alone because I love that
- doing short guided meditations
- saying No more often and not feeling guilty about it.
My gut feeling is already warning me that it is going to be difficult. This comes as no surprise because I – just like most of you – get sucked into the daily grind (work, family obligations, relationship obligations, household chores, social life, digital communication, continuing professional and personal development, you name it), and forget to take care of myself.
Once I read somewhere that if something scares you, it might be a good thing to try. My goal for 2022 scares me: taking care of myself and not feeling guilty about it, saying No to obligations more often, reminding myself not to take life for granted. This will be a challenge for me.
I don’t know if I will succeed but I am more than thrilled to try!
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What is your goal for 2022?
Featured image: patpitchaya
